(This will be a spoiler-filled review, but I know that you probably won’t watch this pile of trash so it won’t bother you)

I just don’t know where to start.

Maybe I should start off by saying this is what is coming out of the movie world now. Even though you have a lot of great movies, this comes from the pile of trash that is only made just so a movie studio can profit off this unoriginal, uninspired piece of s#&%. But, I should try and be civil with this, shouldn’t I? Well, let’s see how long I can last before I tear this apart.

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‘The Emoji Movie’ starring T.J. Miller, James Corden, Anna Faris, Maya Rudolph and Sir Patrick Stewart, is the “highly anticipated” animated movie that everyone was sooooooooo excited for and definitely needed in their lives.

It follows Gene, a meh emoji as he finally gets the chance to go into the cube, the place where every emoji dreams of working as they have the chance of being scanned and sent in a message. This leads to a young, hormone filled, teenage boy as he tries to figure out the perfect emoji to send to a girl he has a crush on. But when he selects meh and Gene makes a bunch of different faces, Gene must go on a quest to become pure meh. That’s really the best I can do with the explanation.

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The main plot and the two sub-plots are just…yeah I can’t go on like this much further. This movie was F$%&#@! AWFUL. First of all, the plot was one of the most predictable plots I’ve ever seen in my life. It’s filled with so much product placement that it makes the product placement in a Michael Bay movie seem like nothing. It also has some of the most boring and unfunny characters ever written which also leads me to the jokes. If you have a soft spot for puns and dad jokes, well you’re going to hate the humour here, even more than an average moviegoer as they make the worst (and I mean the WORST, not even so bad they’re funny) puns ever!

The two sub-plots are also as riveting as you would expect them to be. One that focuses on the teenage boy as he basically freaks out about what is happening on his phone and wants to reset it so the girl he likes​ doesn’t think he’s weird. This is meant to be integral to the main story. The other sub-plot focuses on the parents of Gene as they think about separating from each other due to their romance fading away. This could have been interesting, but it’s portrayed in a “funny” way and every time it comes on screen you just want to poke your eyes out with a toothpick.

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Now, I can’t believe I’m saying this but Sir Patrick Stewart is in this movie and plays the poop emoji. Yes, you didn’t misread that. He plays the poop emoji. I just…I don’t even know anymore.

One of the more integral parts of the main story is that Gene and a couple of other emojis have to make it to Dropbox. Dropbox is the safest place for the emojis to be from the bad guys chasing them. To quote the movie, “they are illegal malware and this app is secure.” On their way, they play a game of Candy Crush, go into an illegal pirating app (literally the best part of the movie and it’s still horrible) and they even play some games of Just Dance. Talk about important plot points.

The voice acting is probably the only positive but I don’t think I should call it a positive. Every actor appears as if that they don’t want to be there and are only doing it for the money. They lack the enthusiasm to put effort into their characters and it just falls flat. I just still can’t believe that Sir Patrick Stewart voices poop, it just blows my mind.

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The animation is alright I guess. Well, it’s alright if this was 2007.

I don’t think I can go on any further, time to summarise.

Overall, ‘The Emoji Movie’ proves that there is a side of movie studios that will literally make a movie about anything, even if it’s something no one asked for, as long as it makes money. From the terrible humour, unenthusiastic voice acting, uninspired plot and shameful product placement, ‘The Emoji Movie’ is just depressing. Your face for 100% of the movie and long after it finishes will literally turn into the meh emoji.

Rating: 1/5

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